Step 5: Make Room for Better Things

Dear Fat Jesse,

I made a decision this weekend. It's time for the shrine to go. Let me explain...

I, like many people at this time of year, am in a closet cleaning kind of mood. This morning I woke up, filled the baby's tummy and handed her off to her dad so that I could do some major overhaul in my cluttered linen closets. I am proud to announce that I have cleaned all of my makeup brushes and organized my earrings. But something way more important to the fabric (no pun intended) of who I want to become took place today, Fat Jesse. I ditched your shrine...

That is a ginormous trash bag stuffed with clothing of various sizes. I can't even remember what I was up to when each item fit me. Some are probably too big now, but most are definitely too small. There are maternity clothes and plus-sized clothes fashioned into maternity clothes (hey, sometimes you don't feel like paying $40 for a maternity shirt). There are jeans which I'm pretty sure, much like gerbils left unattended, mated and gave birth to other jeans over the course of ten years. All I know is that for all this time, I have held onto these things with the promise that someday they will fit. You must think I am absolutely insane to get rid of perfectly good clothing that will someday fit, and some that may even fit now if I gave it a try. But I don't care, F.J. I am tired of having a museum of different sizes in my home, essentially giving me permission to yo-yo between them if I need to. Each piece is like an exhibit to what I was when I wore it last, and that needs to change. Because I've changed.

Don't worry, I won't be forced to walk around in the buff until I hit my goal weight. But my closet now contains only things I have purchased in the past few months, for my current taste and body size. When I lose weight...I get new things and throw out anything that is too big (my definition of new usually means thrift store finds anyway). I must also mention the two free Planet Fitness t-shirts that the hubby and I scored in much smaller sizes and set a goal to be in them by August. This may seem silly and impractical to anyone who has never battled with a weight problem. But I tell you that nothing in this journey has been more cleansing than this. It's me telling myself...telling you, Fat Jesse...that I'm never stepping out into this world as you- ever again. Even though we stay in communication, F.J., you are no longer invited to the party. Besides, what would you even wear?

Headed to Goodwill,
New Jesse, -13 lbs