Step 11: Make Up Your Mind...Then Change It Over and Over

Dear Fat Jesse,

In my first letter to you, I talked about how losing weight is a public struggle. Each time I've logged in to talk to you, I have faced the challenge of remaining authentic with an audience reading my every step. I never wanted this forum to be about neatly juxtaposed before and after pictures or shallow tips that you can find anywhere on the internet. I opened up this personal journal to talk about how messy and unpredictable this road can be. And that's what I'm going to do.

I love P90X, Fat Jesse. The variety paired with structure, the intensity I had been craving after weeks of boredom with workouts, and the feeling of accomplishment. I stand by everything I said in my review. But I can't do it anymore. Now, before you throw that pull-up bar in the trash, F.J., let me explain why.

I can guarantee that there will be at least 2.7 people who read this and chuckle to themselves about my inability to "bring it" or question my commitment. They can direct any questions or comments to flyingleap@dearfatjesse.com. No, Fat Jesse, my decision to stop P90X is because of my commitment to being healthy, and I felt like I was putting another area of my health in jeopardy while doing it.

You see, I am a nursing mother. Under normal circumstances, a nursing mother is feeding her child every two to three hours and burning up to 500 calories a day. But since my daughter seems to have a wild combination of early teething and severe separation anxiety, I spend about 45 minutes out of every hour of the day in feeding mode. When I started P90X, I figured I could just up my calories and everything would be fine. That was not the case. Going into week two, I felt weak, the scale stopped budging, and I even suspect my milk supply was affected. I did some research, and made the decision that it was time to stop until I talk to my doctor next month. Maybe he'll give me the go-ahead to drink the meal replacement shakes that so many P90X'ers rely on. Maybe I can start the program again when my daughter is on solid foods and no longer relies on me. The only thing I know is that I only have six more months of this time with my child and a lifetime to do P90X.

Surprisingly, my announcement of the decision to stop a workout program is not the point of this letter, Fat Jesse. It's about the next step in our journey: allowing ourselves the freedom to change our mind. I see so much discouragement in those who are trying to lose weight. We "join" this and we "start" that and, when we fail, it sends us into a tailspin. Why? Because, like I've said a hundred times, it's public. Not everyone is as insane as I am, posting their failures on a blog. But they know what it's like to hear someone ask how they're doing on So and So's Newfangled Diet, only to have to explain why they stopped.

So, I submit for your approval, Fat Jesse, that there is only one major thing that we should have to make up our mind about and that is the decision to get healthy. We should make up our mind to eat less, eat better, and to move our bodies with activity. After that, it should be a series of fill in the blanks. One of the best things I heard part of the way into this whole weight loss bit was a very fit person telling me, "It doesn't matter what you do to exercise, as long as you do something."

For every person who went vegetarian and realized they can't live without meat...For every person who took a spin class and hated it...And for every single person who has lived through the experience of scrapping healthy living altogether, because they were embarrassed about a perceived failure....

CHANGE YOUR MIND.

Don't quit. Make up your mind to get healthy. And then fight for your your right to change your mind about how. Just keep going. I know I will.

Still Bringing It,
New Jesse, +1 lb